The Afterlife

I’ve decided that IF there is an afterlife, for me, it will contain rows and rows of apple trees just like at the “other” Crane’s Orchard-Gary Crane.  All the ripe, beautiful Honeycrisp apples will only be where people that are 5’8″ and taller can reach them (this is to make up for all those short pants I had to wear before they made Tall for women, sorry “average” height girls I have to get something beside good low post position out of this frame), the trees will embrace you as you enter a row which is well organized and LABELED (so as not to get lost, this is a great idea Gary), you will hear the bees buzzing but you will not see them, nor will they sting you (bastards), there will be golf carts to shuttle you around and for when you pick more apples than you can actually carry in one trip (for me that turns out to be about 70 pounds-I almost made it to the cashier), it will be sunny and 60 degrees out all the time (so you can wear jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt all the time without pitting out), there will be Butternut squash picked, clean and available to take home for 40 cents a pound (they will however, weigh 8 pounds or more a piece), every day the stay-at-home mommies will be busy with book group or something (so I don’t have to work around your slow ass), and you will be able to eat apples until you nearly barf (this is encouraged) as you pick ’em.  Yep, that’s what my afterlife will be like.  Oh, and I will have Walt the Wonderdog and Mr. Wonderful with me there too; because then I can carry more apples.

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