Category Archives: Meat Substitutes

Just Because I Didn’t Make It From Scratch, Doesn’t Mean I Couldn’t, It Just Means I Didn’t [want to]

There are certain things I don’t make from scratch because frankly, the effort is not worth the reward:  ice cream, mayo, cheese, tofu, and I NEVER, ever, make my own veg burgers [sidebar: my friend Jon Dunn says to never attempt to make your own vegan tamales, from scratch, and if he makes a statement like that, I absolutely believe him-no tamales will grace my kitchen].  I make everything else from scratch.  I make SALAD DRESSING [granted it’s usually just 2-3 ingredients] for the love of God, from scratch!  The veg burgers in the grocer’s freezer are pretty much delightful so why tamper with perfection?  I’ll tell you why, I ran across these slider buns at Meijer on a recent shopping trip [damn you marketing marvels] and today I find myself making Heidi’s Ultimate Veggie Burgers to take to a holiday party, certainly from scratch…in fact, I just made my own bread crumbs as Meijer in all its greatness, doesn’t sell WHOLE WHEAT breadcrumbs, which I personally think is some kind of hate crime.  I digress, and give you, The Ultimate Veggie Burger recipe:

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  • 2 1/2 cups canned garbanzos, drained and rinsed
  • 4 large eggs
  • 1/2 teaspoon fine-grain sea salt
  • 1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • Grated zest of one large lemon
  • 1 cup micro sprouts, chopped (try brocolli, onion, or alfalfa sprouts – optional)
  • 1 cup toasted (whole-grain) bread crumbs
  • 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil (or clarified butter)

Combine the garbanzos, eggs, and salt in a food processor. Puree until the mixture is the consistency of a very thick, slightly chunky hummus. Pour into a mixing bowl and stir in the cilantro, onion, zest, and sprouts. Add the breadcrumbs, stir, and let sit for a couple of minutes so the crumbs can absorb some of the moisture. At this point, you should have a moist mixture that you can easily form into twelve 1 1/2-inch-thick patties. I err on the moist side here, because it makes for a nicely textured burger. You can always add more bread crumbs a bit at a time to firm up the dough if need be. Conversely, a bit of water or more egg can be used to moisten the batter.

Heat the oil in a heavy skillet over medium low, add 4 patties, cover, and cook for 7 to 10 minutes, until the bottoms begin to brown. Turn up the heat if there is no browning after 10 minutes. Flip the patties and cook the second side for 7 minutes, or until golden. Remove from the skillet and cool on a wire rack while you cook the remaining patties.

For the sake of time and volume (I doubled this recipe so needed 24 sliders), I baked them on a rimmed sheet pan (heavily greased) at 400 degrees until they were golden brown but not dry (check them every 5-6 minutes, and flip when one side browns).  I kept these in the fridge until I was ready to serve them in the afternoon, then reheated them briefly on a grill top before serving.

Makes 12 mini burgers.

Faux Chicken BBQ Pizza

I’m not a huge faux meat fan.  I don’t eat meat because, I don’t want to, not because I want to eat something that tastes like it, but isn’t it.  Did that make sense?  At any rate, there are a few things I do miss about being vegetarian:

1.  Bacon

2.  Chicken Hot Wings

3.  Tuna Steak

4.  Barbecued Turkey

I discovered this product at Whole Foods on my last jaunt to Ann Arbor, and thought I’d give it a try.  That trip was about 5 months ago, so it keeps well in the freezer although I think it was sold in the fresh case, by the lunch meat etc.

Mostly, gardein bbq pulled shreds tasted like, well bbq sauce.  The “meat” didn’t have flavor, in fact, after I ate it, THEN I went back to see what it actually was, you know like any responsible consumer-vital wheat gluten, or Seitan in the veg world, which I can make at home.  All-in-all, not an offensive product.  I think it gave Mr. Wonderful his bbq pork/chicken fix for a little while and it was a quick dinner after a long day.  I love this idea of “pulled pork” or whatever and think next time, I will try my own homemade bbq sauce which is much lower in sugar and “pull” my own Seitan.  I’ll let you know how that goes.

Faux Chicken BBQ Pizza

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Heat up bbq shreds according to package directions, from frozen it took just 3 minutes on high.

Put naan directly on oven grate for 1-2 minutes until a little crisp.

Add bbq shreds, onion, grated cheese onto the naan then pop back into the oven until cheese is melty and naan is crispy.

Don’t forget your napkin.

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